A note from my heart

Aku bukan pemuja cinta
Juga bukan dewi asmara
Aku hanyalah seorang pujangga
Saksi keberadaan cinta dalam dunia

Cinta yang datang dan pergi
Kecewa dan sukacita silih berganti

Aku melihat di muka bumi
Orang-orang yang terluka karena cinta
Mereka yang pulih dan kembali berdiri
Mereka yang terus tertatih dan tak pernah kembali

Semuanya membuatku bertanya
Naifkah aku mempercayai cinta?

Aku tidak bicara soal romantisme
Bukan tentang happily ever after
Melainkan cinta yang cukup kuat untuk mengubah
Namun cukup lembut untuk belajar
Cinta yang tahu kapan harus merengkuh
Dan kapan harus melepaskan

Biarkan cinta itu hidup di hatiku
Karena baginyalah aku menunggu…
Coz I want to believe

Tale as old as
time, true as it can be…

The song accompanies the dance of
Belle and The Beast, the very first sign that they have heart for one another.
Belle has fallen in love with the prince charming concealed within The Beast.
He wasn’t the same prince introduced at the beginning of the story; he is now
someone of different traits. Belle’s love for him has brought out the best in
him.

We, human, always have a ‘beast’
side within us, weaknesses that aren’t yet overcome. Nevertheless, there are
also ‘Belles’ in this world. Someone who perceives things from a different
angle. Hence it is not a surprise when people say “I can’t understand why
she chose him, he is bla bla bla…” It takes the right person to grow
together, while others simply fail to see the good things in him.

All God’s creations on Earth
submit to love and its power to change things. It’s true that life is not like
a fairy tale, where people live happily ever after. But the magic of love is
not merely narrative. It somehow brings energy, enables people to do what they
usually don’t. The touch of love comes with capacity to transform, fashioning
beauty in God’s highest creation.

I
finally found a nice te-peng (the famous Malaysian milk tea) in Jakarta!!
Setelah dua tahun mencicipi sana-sini, sampai-sampai beli teh sachet dari
Singapore, akhirnya ketemu juga te-peng yang rasanya persis seperti di
Singapore/Malaysia. Sembari makan menghadap bangku kosong di seberangku, my
mind started to wander…

Kalo dipikir-pikir, waktu pertama datang ke Singapore, aku
gak terlalu suka sama makanan sana. Aku inget sempet mengeluh karena makanannya
tasteless, sambelnya gak pedes, dan masakannya bergelimang minyak (hiiyy…
mungkin ini yang bikin aku gemuk disana:P). Tapi as time went by, aku mulai
menikmati makanan-makanan tersebut. Bahkan sekarang, aku sering banget kangen
sama hokien mee, mee pok, bakut teh, prata, dan chicken rice yang gak bisa aku
temukan disini.

Lain
halnya dengan bokap nyokap. Dulu aku suka bawain oleh-oleh makanan yang gak
dijual di Jakarta, seperti curry puff-nya Old Chang Kie (sekarang sih udah ada
di EX). Guess what they say? Gak enak! Pastel koq isinya kari, aneh banget,
mana bau pula. Emang bener sih… bau karinya lumayan kenceng, aku juga bingung
kenapa aku bisa suka makanan gituan

Aniway,
ternyata selera bisa diubah oleh kebiasaan. Selama 6 tahun di Singapore, I
learned to love the food, dan juga te-peng, yang dinilai oleh bokap nyokap
sebagai minuman ‘aneh’, masa teh dikasi susu… Ngomong-ngomong, dulu adikku juga
kaga doyan te-peng, walau udah dibujuk beberapa kali untuk minum. Tapi sejak
dia sekolah ke Malaysia, she learned to love it. She even goes an extra mile
and takes Indian food, the one I never dare to try, hiii… The bottom line is,
our life in those foreign countries has become more enjoyable when we love the
food and the culture.

Can
you imagine how good life could be, if we just learn to love the people and
things around us?

As someone who holds a degree in science, I think I have to write –at least one article– which shows that I have learned something during my school days

I recall one of the laws on gravitation, usually known as inverse-square law, which states that the force of attraction between two objects is inversely proportional to the square of their distance. Or in a lay men term, it simply means the closer you are to the source of attraction, the greater the pulling force is. I find that this law also holds true for love. Proximity cultivates attraction, while one of the best solutions to escape from it is to maintain distance.

The consequence of this nature of gravity brings us another fact: that there is no work needed (on our part) in moving towards the source of gravity. It is very natural for things to be attracted onto it. On the other hand, a lot of work would be required to move away from the source of gravity. (Ouchh… see how much effort you have to put in it? I could almost see heads nodded in agreement).

To some other people love has turned into a black hole in their life.  Wikipedia describes black hole as a region of space in which the gravitational field is so powerful that nothing can escape after having fallen past certain boundary. Those people seem to be trapped in the circle of their past love stories.

Thus, is it true that love is a black hole, in which no escape route could be defined? Did God create gravity to explain love?

Anyway, there is one thing about gravity that is not relevant to love. The previously mentioned law also says that the greater the mass of the object, the stronger the attraction is. I bet 90% of men agree with me

Nobody loves me like You do
You touch my heart with love so deeply and true
I have been searching for my whole life through
Just to find that nobody loves me like You do

Lagu Jeffry S. Tjandra sesaat melantun dalam benakku saat aku melihat-lihat isi album terbarunya. Mengingatkanku pada salah satu issue yang belum sempat aku tuliskan karena kesibukanku.

Seorang teman belum lama ini bercerita bahwa pada masa-masa awal dia berpacaran, ada banyak hal unreasonable yang dilakukan kekasihnya. Ya, benar, memang umum terjadi, gumamku dalam hati. Seorang pria yang sedang jatuh cinta akan melakukan apa saja: meluangkan waktu, menembus kemacetan, meninggalkan hobby, dan mengeluarkan uang demi menyenangkan atau bertemu dengan pujaan hatinya. Tapi, seiring tahun berlalu, hal-hal yang unreasonable itu mulai berubah menjadi reasonable. Seakan sang waktu membangunkan logika dari tidurnya yang lelap, dan segala sesuatunya mulai ditimbang.

Salahkah? Mungkin juga tidak.
Apa itu berarti cinta telah pudar? Hmm, tidak seluruhnya benar.
Karena fenomena itu sangatlah manusiawi. Cinta tak selamanya mekar di alam mimpi.

Aku mulai diingatkan akan cinta yang sejati, yang selama ini aku terima tanpa henti. Walaupun musim berganti, kasih itu tak pernah pergi.

Thank You Jesus, for loving me unreasonably…

Every man was once a boy. And every little boy has dreams, BIG dreams: dream of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. This is the image of God that is put in the heart of men. Nevertheless, many of today’s men choose to ignore what is deep and true to his heart, his real passions, and try to live from the list of ‘should’ and ‘ought to’ that has left them tired and bored.

In the heart of every man there is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. However, some men allow themselves to be defeated by the giant named ‘fear’, their own fear. Fear to be exposed, to be found out, to be discovered as an impostor and not really a man. Fear of stumble. Hence they pick only those battles they are sure to win, those adventures they are sure to handle, those beauties they are sure to rescue. A safe-player.

Do not know how long they could bear living as what they are not meant to be. Leaving behind their earnest dream of being a hero. Trying to suppress the zeal burning in the core of their heart. Embracing their wound and continue living in a mediocre state.

Obviously, that is not what The Father had in mind when He created them.

Dedicated to my brother to whom I said “I was once saw you as a warrior of God.” Allow me to reaffirm that you are STILL a warrior of God, cause He has created you to be one, and He can’t make a mistake.

Paragraphs in italics are extracted from the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge © 2001, with some add-on.

Gak terasa liburan aku di Singapore sudah hampir berakhir. Sampai malam terakhir ini aku masih banyak menemukan hal-hal baru yang membuatku merasa tidak lagi mengenali negara kecil ini. Perubahan ada di sana sini. Beberapa diantaranya kunilai positif, sedangkan yang lainnya membuatku sedikit merasa kurang nyaman karena kehilangan hal-hal yang dulu kukenali dengan baik.

Perubahan memang tak terelakkan. Bukan hanya pada tata kota, tapi juga pada manusianya. Teman-teman banyak berubah, pekerjaan mereka berubah, hubungan-hubungan berubah, situasi mereka pun tak kalah berubah. Apa yang dulunya kutahu tidak lagi kutahu. Apa yang kini kutahu tidak akan bertahan lama.

Mungkin belum banyak teman-teman yang tahu bahwa aku sudah bukan lagi Singapore Permanent Resident. Ini hanyalah setitik perubahan yang kutambahkan pada sebuah daftar yang panjang. Bukan keputusan yang mudah untuk melepaskan kartu identitas berwarna biru yang selama ini menjadi salah satu kebanggaanku, sesuatu yang membuatku merasa berbeda dengan orang-orang lainnya di Indonesia. Aku sempat sedih juga ketika meninggalkan gedung imigrasi dengan tidak lagi membawa kartu itu di dompetku. Entah keteguhan hati apa yang membuatku merasa yakin untuk menyerahkannya. Jakarta tidak bisa menjanjikan apa-apa bagi masa depanku. Tidak ada garansi bahwa aku akan mendapatkan kehidupan yang lebih baik di negara yang (maaf) kacau balau ini. Tapi sebuah keputusan harus dibuat, dan aku cukup yakin kalau ini bukan keputusan yang salah.

Trauma karena mengambil keputusan-keputusan yang salah di masa lalu memang masih ada. Diantaranya ada keputusan-keputusan salah yang diambil orang lain, yang karenanya kita terkena dampak. Tapi bukankah kita tidak boleh terpaku pada masa lalu? Kalau aku berjalan di Singapore dengan bayangan tata kota yang terekam dua tahun lalu, sudah dapat dipastikan aku akan nyasar. Lagi pula teori Michel Foucault mengungkapkan bahwa kesalahan tidaklah berarti apa-apa kecuali kita menemukan apa yang benar, dan kesuksesan tidak dapat didefinisikan kalau tidak ada kegagalan.

Kesimpulannya, enjoy the change, keep moving on, and never be afraid to enter a new season in life, karena janji-janji Tuhan sempurna adanya dan rancangan-Nya tidak pernah gagal.

Aku mendengar seseorang yang sedang berkeluh kesah tentang kelompok persekutuan rohani yang dia hadiri setiap minggunya. “Gw dah dua kali gak dateng nih, ntar pasti diomongin macam-macam, dikira menghindar atau udah gak tertarik lagi. Mending gw laporin alasan gw dulu sebelum yang punya rumah ngomong ini itu ke orang-orang lainnya…”

Dalam keadaan terbaring di kasur rumah sakit, pikiranku masih bisa berjalan normal, “Aneh… bukankah persekutuan itu seharusnya menjadi seperti keluarga kita sendiri? Kenapa ada orang yang merasa gak aman dalam keluarganya sendiri?”

Buat aku, persekutuan mingguan, yang biasa lebih dikenal dengan cell group, itu adalah sebuah ‘rumah’ yang selalu menyambut aku pulang setelah berperang di luar sana semingguan penuh. Entah apakah hari itu aku pulang dengan babak belur, atau dengan membawa rampasan perang, keluarga ini selalu menyambut aku dengan tangan terbuka. Saat ada yang terluka, kita berdoa saling menguatkan. Saat ada yang meraih kemenangan, kita mengadakan perayaan. Itulah arti keluarga Allah yang tertanam dalam benakku.

Pikiranku dibawa melayang mengingat keluarga ini yang telah lama kutinggalkan di Singapura. Keluarga inilah yang memperkenalkan arti kasih persaudaraan dalam hidupku. Keluarga inilah yang melatih tanganku dan bibirku untuk melayani Tuhan. Keluarga ini jugalah yang pernah bersama-sama berlutut berdoa buat aku.

Ada pepatah bilang “A family that pray together, stick together.” Yes… they are forever carved in my heart.

Dedicated to members of FA Bishan jaman doeloe, waktu semuanya masih ngumpul di central of Singapore. I sincerely miss you guys…

Human are created in diversity and with their own uniqueness. And it is a good thing to have a world full of variation. However, those differences often create problems. One that occurs very often is communication problem. A sister of mine, who studies mass communication once told me that there are many sources of ‘noise’ in communication, some of them are: different background, education level, and perception.

I guess most problems in relationship (kinship, friendship, courtship) rooted from communication problem. Once they talk it out, the problem solved. Learning from human experience for ages, why don’t we all learn to master the art of speaking out? Telling others what you exactly mean and expect from them, instead of grumbling, mumbling, or stop talking to them. Sort of actions simply won’t help to convey the message to the other party.

I used to keep quiet and show long face when I was not in agreement with my roommate, or when she did something that really disturb me. But she has never realized it! Thank God that through her, I learn to overcome the awkward feeling of telling others what I feel about things or even about them.

I don’t know if it would work with guys, since they rarely express themselves and most of the time seem unfeeling?

“Why can’t we do it?” I asked.
“We used to be able to, but nowadays some people (undisclosed) must have done this and that (unrevealed) for their own benefit. Such a greedy and deceitful people” a person next to me answered.

And I screamed in my heart, “I am sick of hearing such a negative thought!”

I frequently tell my mathematics students, “You must not make any assumption. All work has to be based on information given by the question.” Even though some of them still –intentionally or unintentionally- make assumption that leads to a wrong conclusion, I hope my effort has minimized such evidence.

Romans 12:3 “Janganlah kamu memikirkan hal-hal yang lebih tinggi dari pada apa yang patut kamu pikirkan, tetapi hendaklah kamu menguasai diri menurut ukuran iman…” tells us not to make any assumption (read: drawing conclusion out of unclear evidence) since it may cause us unable to contain ourselves.

I learned this lesson after spending a whole day wondering why my friend did not pick up my call or reply my SMS. Is she angry with me? Is she too busy that she thinks my call is less important? Does she purposely do it? and hundreds of other bad thoughts came up to my mind. And you know what actually happened? She forgot to bring her mobile phone that day, it was left home!! And I had been spending my day thinking and speculating things that have never happened, which, frankly speaking, affected my emotion as well.

I think one of the lessons that we all have to learn is not to make assumption out of human’s motives: why a person does/doesn’t do certain things. Since the heart of men is hidden within their body, and only God could reveal their true heart.